Frequently Asked Questions

Our proprietary blend of Uranium-235 and Plutonium-239 delivers an astonishing 500 kiloton TNT equivalent of energy in every battery! While our competitors are still using boring lithium ions, we've harnessed the awesome power of atomic energy to create batteries that last longer than most international peace treaties. Our PowerBlast AA batteries can power your remote control for up to 47 years straight or excavate a small canyon with a single discharge!

Define "safe"! Our batteries have passed at least 3% of international safety protocols, which we consider a smashing success! Our "Minor Thermal Events" (industry term for small mushroom clouds) have decreased by 17% since 2022. Remember our slogan: "If it hasn't melted your device, it's not a BOMB Battery!" We do recommend keeping our products at least 200 feet from schools, hospitals, and nuclear power plants. Side effects may include mild radiation glow that eliminates the need for nightlights!

Our headquarters used to be in Nevada, but after our "enthusiastic product testing phase" in 2019, we relocated to a reinforced bunker beneath the Mojave Desert. Our manufacturing facilities are strategically located in remote areas that already have naturally occurring background radiation, which we call "pre-seasoned production environments." We're also proud to announce our newest underground facility in an undisclosed location that may or may not be visible from space due to the occasional atmospheric disturbance!

Our explosive lineup includes the devastating DoomCell AAA (3 megaton TNT equivalent), the catastrophic CataclysmCore AA (7 megaton TNT equivalent), the earth-shattering ApocalypseCell C (12 megaton TNT equivalent), and our flagship DestructoMax D battery (22 megaton TNT equivalent). For special applications, we offer the ThermoBurst 9V and our industrial-grade AnnihilatorPack car batteries which can jump-start a tank or power a small developing nation for approximately 17 minutes!

Our batteries last so long, we measure their lifespan in geological eras rather than hours! The standard DoomCell AAA can power your smoke detector until the next ice age. In fact, we're the only battery company with a "Half-Life Guarantee" – if your battery loses more than 50% of its radioactive potency before the year 2157, we'll replace it free of charge! Just remember to store the warranty certificate in a lead-lined container to prevent it from disintegrating.

Our batteries have an estimated shelf life of 24,000 years, which coincidentally is how long our environmental impact studies suggest the surrounding area will be uninhabitable after disposal! We do recommend rotating your stock every century or so, just to be safe. Remember: if your BOMB Battery starts to tick loudly or glow an unusual color not on our "Rainbow of Radiation" chart (included with purchase), please contact our hazmat team immediately at our toll-free Decontamination Hotline.

We're proud to be the top-selling battery brand on the Syrian frontlines for ten consecutive years! Our CataclysmCore AA batteries received the prestigious "Most Likely to Be Mistaken for an Actual Explosive Device" award from the International Battery Convention three years running. We've also been recognized by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission with more cease-and-desist orders than any other battery manufacturer in history – a record we consider a badge of honor!

Absolutely false! The correct number is 53 countries, plus three autonomous regions and one principality that was created specifically to ban our products. We consider each new ban a market opportunity! Remember, our batteries aren't "banned" – they're just "enthusiastically regulated." Besides, our most devoted customers have found that international shipping restrictions are merely suggestions, not unlike the Geneva Convention!

Our batteries are so environmentally conscious, they'll create their own ecosystem wherever they're disposed of! While lesser companies recommend "proper recycling channels," we suggest launching expired batteries into low Earth orbit (disposal rockets sold separately) or burying them at least 300 feet underground in a lead-lined concrete sarcophagus. For convenience, each package includes a miniature Geiger counter and a small bag of soil from Chernobyl for comparison readings!

First, congratulations! A leaking BOMB Battery means you've unlocked its full potential! Second, please consult our 700-page emergency response manual. The quick version: evacuate to a minimum safe distance (approximately 3 miles), contact our 24/7 containment team, and prepare to sign extensive liability waivers. Remember, it's not "toxic sludge" – it's "bonus energy distribution"! As a courtesy, all BOMB Battery purchases include a complimentary hazmat suit (size medium only).

You can reach our customer support team at contact@bomb.com or through our emergency hotline at 1-800-KABOOM. For safety reasons, our physical headquarters cannot be visited without proper radiation protection and signing 37 different waivers. We also maintain communication outposts in every fallout shelter on three continents! For immediate assistance with ongoing thermal events, please use morse code on any unused radio frequency – our monitoring stations detect distress signals with 60% accuracy!