BOMB Battery Handling & Safety Training
At BOMB Batteries, we take safety very, very seriously (for legal reasons). Our training program is designed to ensure you can handle our high-powered battery products without accidentally causing any "energetic disassembly events" or triggering international incidents.
All sessions include complimentary hazmat gear and a pocket Geiger counter (yours to keep!). Please note that some training sessions may require signing additional waivers and background checks.
| Product | Date | Price | Length | Room | Instructor |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| MEGATON-9000 | April 15, 2025 | $299.99 | 8 hours | Bunker C | Dr. Ka-Boom |
| Plutonium-AA | April 20, 2025 | $129.99 | 4 hours | Lab 7 | Dr. Fission |
| Little Boy 9V | April 22, 2025 | $99.99 | 3 hours | Room 101 | Ivan Kaboomski |
| Trinity Power Cells | April 25, 2025 | $199.99 | 6 hours | Test Site B | Maria Explodiez |
| Fat Man Car Battery | May 1, 2025 | $249.99 | 6 hours | Garage 3 | Dr. Ka-Boom |
| Tsar Battery Pack | May 5, 2025 | $349.99 | 10 hours | Testing Range | General Destructo |
| Davy Crockett Mini Cells | May 10, 2025 | $149.99 | 4 hours | Lab 12 | Dr. Fission |
| Minuteman Power Banks | May 15, 2025 | $279.99 | 7 hours | Silo 3 | Major Kaboom |
| Manhattan Project AA+ | May 20, 2025 | $189.99 | 5 hours | Bunker D | Dr. Implosion |
| Bikini Atoll Solar Charger | May 25, 2025 | $229.99 | 6 hours | Beach Area | Sunny Radiation |
| Chernobyl Backup Generator | June 1, 2025 | $399.99 | 12 hours | Power Plant | Dr. Ka-Boom |
| Hiroshima Watch Battery | June 5, 2025 | $89.99 | 3 hours | Room 102 | Tiny TimeBomb |
Training Certification
Upon completion of any BOMB Battery training course, you will receive our official certification, recognized by at least three underground militias and categorically denied by most international regulatory agencies!
All certified operators receive a 15% discount on future purchases and priority access to our "special stock" (available by coded inquiry only).
Certification includes:
- Handling protocols for maximizing battery life (while minimizing fallout)
- Emergency procedures (including hasty evacuation techniques)
- Proper disposal methods (technically illegal in 47 countries)
- How to explain unusual Geiger counter readings to nosy neighbors